The mother of all insecurities

For the majority of us, there is very little we have to do for our bodies to nurture and develop tiny humans and then birth them into the world. It’s built into our anatomy; it’s part of our DNA.

Why then, are we so naturally insecure about a role that should come so naturally to us? 

Maybe that’s an odd question, but I really believe the majority of us moms are insecure about the job we hold, at least to some degree. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t have all these “mommy wars”.

Mothers everywhere disagree on discipline, sleep training, feeding methods, schedules, screen time, carriers and strollers, etc etc. Disagreements are also natural, and totally understandable considering every kid is different and few will fit an exact model or mold.

But why does it go so far that we shame and blame each other? We think others are terrible parents for not doing things “our way”.

It has to stem from our own insecurity. If we really felt comfortable and secure in the method we’ve chosen; if we felt confident our child was happy, healthy and developing on track; if we were certain we had a grasp on how to do this parenting thing; we would have no need to compare ourselves to others.

When we compare, we’re hoping to feel better about ourselves. But most of the time, we find ourselves lacking instead. And no one wants to constantly feel like they don’t measure up, are missing something or don’t have all the latest information. So instead we act like we have it all together, and it’s the other moms who must be doing something wrong.

Sigh.

I’m thankful I have a few handfuls of mom friends who are genuinely supportive, encouraging and helpful. But I know not everyone has that luxury.

I wish we could all just take a minute, admit to ourselves that we don’t have a clue and that’s okay, and then confess the same to each other. Wouldn’t this mom journey be a lot more fun if we could relax, stop comparing, and realize we’re all just winging it as we go along? No one has it  all figured out, and even if they did, their strategy and approach likely wouldn’t work for your kid anyway.

It’s wonderful to have so much information available to us, but it can also be exceptionally overwhelming. Scientific studies, polls, forums, articles, new research, parenting books, sleep charts, growth and development milestones, mommy groups, apps … it’s all just too much sometimes.

So take all the advice with a grain of salt, do all the research through the filter of your own momma intuition, and try to enjoy watching your little human grow up.

By the way, you’re doing a fabulous job.

Cheryl Hazelton

Cheryl Hazelton

I’m actually a Canadian, swept off my feet and across the border by my dashing husband, to the little house he built near Massena. We have a lively and joyful daughter, Cadence, who inherited at least a little of our stubbornness.
Cheryl Hazelton

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